lifeguard

This dream came on fast and hot like a fever. The room was sweltering and crowded and I could feel people all around me causing almost claustrophobic symptoms to creep up my spine and into my brain through an unknown aperture. No true source of light could be found yet there was an oddly familiar strobe coming from an unknown location behind me as green, red and blue gels lit the nameless faces of the dancing throng. The movement of the people was completely in unison and the motion caused a sea-sickness to grab hold of my gut causing me to retch but producing nothing but empty chokes and large gulps for air. I could hear music and feel its vibrations but I couldn’t make out a tune or a melody or even a rhythmic bass line- what I could hear seemed to fade in and out as if my ears were bobbing in an ocean and being exposed to those aural tones both above and below the sea.

This must be what drowning feels like.

The room started to spin at first, but then I realized I was the object in orbit. It was the type of merry-go-round that would make a conscious Mike utterly nauseous, however the churning in my stomach wasn’t caused by being dizzy. As the edges of my vision blurred the faces in the crowd that swooped in on me were completely sharp and in focus. I recognized them all. Each face belonged to somebody who represents some form of regret, distrust, misunderstanding, betrayal, missed opportunity or friendship long obliterated. They looked down on me and hedged me in as the mob that surrounded the whole affair kept steady in the trance created by that hellish music.

I wanted out but there was no exit from the circle of guilt that seemed bent on overtaking me right at that moment. Then I felt something grab my hand and tug with a gentle yet satisfying force and rip me from that vortex of negativity. I had no choice but to follow the pull as it navagated us through the crowded room and its zombie occupants. Somewhere during the escape I closed my eyes, or my eyes were closed for me, I do not remember which. The next moments I couldn’t see, or better I couldn’t make out vividly like I was seeing (you know how dreams can be blurry and vague in parts)- but I could feel as if my sensory perception had been enhanced for just that moment. Your hands fit neatly inside of mine, your head rested on my chest, your breath came hard and fast yet easy. I mimicked the rise and fall of your shoulders with my own as we stood on that place so high we could touch the ceiling. We were above it all. Everything that had been holding me back, keeping me down, tying me to an existence that had left me behind months ago. It was all because of you. You saved me from drowning in a self-doubt that would surly have overcome me.

The last thing I remember before another reality doused this one was opening my eyes to a pair as blue and gray as the Sound after a morning storm. I wrapped my arms around you and I could feel the stars on your shoulder. I knew this was right.

how could i be so lucky?

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~ by mlvassallo on October 18, 2007.

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